Saturday, July 8, 2017

Forever everyday.

Oh, my, gosh,

So, this has been on my mind for a while not but it's such a touchy subject that I've only talked to my family about it.
And it's still just as baffling and uncomfortable as it ever was..

The big D.
The thing that shouldn't be mentioned.
But in today's culture, it's prevalent.
Almost expected.

Social media paints such a pretty picture.
Happy marriage.
Happy family.
Happy life.
Pretty pictures.
Fun status updates.

But, reality is messy.
The lines can be so blurry.
And there's nothing more truthful that a relationship status of... married, single, in a relationship, or the ever so elusive... it's complicated.

And then you hear about that thing - the seven year itch.
The time, according to the US Census Bureau, that a divorce is likely to happen.
A time when complacency, routine, disinterest, scheduling, irreconcilable differences start to stare you in the face.
There is also a 4 year peak of divorce rate.
But who's counting years anyway?

This is where my opinion comes in.
Marriage is special and should be protected.
God, it can be hard sometimes.
So hard.
And ya know, I was married and divorced when I was 20, until 23 years old.
I think.
Honestly, time has a way of making you forget things and events.
Dates and times.
I was young, probably not in the best state of mind to be married in the first place.
Not for the right reasons, not understanding enough of responsibility.
But I will never discount the family I gained from that marriage.
My in-laws from my first marriage will ALWAYS be in my life.
I still love them to this day.
People, not marriage certificates, tend to find their way into your heart, despite the circumstances.
Life still happens and you can't take back things that happened in your past.
I never would.
I did gain a good set of people in my first marriage but that is beside the point.
I just wanted to tell you that so you could see I wasn't just "saying all of this" from a -neverbeendivorced point of mind...

But I'm older.
Understand more about life than I did when I was 20.

I have been with Roger since 2006.
We have been through some pretty earth shattering situations.
We have weathered some pretty devastating storms.
We have been through a LOT in the 11 years we have been together.
We're still together.

Because marriage takes work.
And with him, I'm safe.
With him, I have no need to worry.
But, only with him.
I don't know what makes us different from any other couple.
We still have our "issues" every. single. day.
There are still things we don't see eye to eye on. every. single. day.
We are not one person.
But we are.
Such a conundrum.
But that is us.

Our Married friends.
With families, with lives of their own, we see dissolve every day.
I could never imagine life without him.
With our daughter, who is half of him and half of me, who cherishes the mother-father relationship that we have, whether she understands it or not.
Because they don't.
Children are so young, impressionable and trusting.
They learn from us.
They depend on us.
They rely on us.
We are "their people".

A lot of people stay married for the children.
I want to stay married for my marriage.
Oh, my gosh, it's harder said than done at times.
Because we are moody humans.
We can be lazy, we can work too much, we can be stupid with finances, irresponsible with our thoughts and actions.
Sometimes we play video games too much, have to be nagged to take out the trash or clean the kitchen, wash the laundry.
Sometimes we're on our phones too much, not present enough, isolate ourselves too much.
But those are our choices.

You get out of a relationship JUST what you put into it.
My marriage is my marriage.
Your marriage is not mine.
I make a choice every day to love and show my husband my commitment.

Sometimes we both fail, miserably.
But it NEVER means I don't want to be married to him.

Lord, I pray that we can keep our marriage sacred like our parents did.
It takes work just like anything does.
It takes effort on both parts.
We are not perfect and neither is our marriage.
No one's is.
It will work if we choose for it to.

And these are just words, thoughts, observations of current realizations that have been on my mind.
That is all.

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