Saturday, July 19, 2014

how do I love thee???



At Times...

the struggle is more real than not.
Love him, all of him: the good, the disappointing, the loyal, the discontented, the human side of him, the lazy, the child and adult side of him.
Be frustrated with his faults - not even taking into consideration the faults I have.
Be captivated by his beautiful eyes, unyielding to his constant input over what I'm doing, or listening to, or reading...
Always at a loss for words whereas in arguments, his are always in abundance.
Checking out when the conversation takes a turn toward the one-sided - usually just making things worse because he can tell...

The struggle is real.
And it's on going.
And it's exhausting because what it really boils down to is ME - having these expectations.


Unreal expectations of a fictitious, heroic, perfect husband that knows my every thought, does things before being asked, puts me above everything else, thinks of me when considering decisions that might affect our marriage, and is proud to have me as his wife, standing beside him for all of eternity.



BUT, but...
he's only a man.
Not a perfect creature.
I should not be holding him to such standards.



And sadly enough, I don't always live by the golden rule - especially when it comes to him.
He gets the most disgusting parts of my days, the awful, ugly, critical judgments that come with being so close to someone that there is no such thing as having walls up, or guarding our hearts because everything is out there for him to see.
All of me.
I don't give him nearly enough of what I expect out of him.
And in return, it creates distance between us.



I don't pour into him grace NOR mercy the way my God, full of love and sacrifice, did for me.



Instead, I pout, shake my head, stomp my feet and criticize his habits that I cannot stand, closing the door for any chance of me showing him the love that I SO desperately crave from him.


It's my choice.
And more often than not, all I have to do is choose carefully to consider my words before letting them fly out of my mouth, unbridled, ripping to shreds his confidence, and thoughts of me.
But I fall short every. single. time.



Marriage is not easy.
It's hard.
But it's worth it.
And in all of his bad qualities that I can pick apart and hold against him, there are that many more of my own that need his grace and mercy.


He's better at this whole marriage thing than I have ever been.
Hands down.
I see him with our child and can only melt at the wholeness he puts into their relationship.
And she thinks the world of him - as she should (and as I should as well...)
It's such a learning process and I can only pray that God is using all of these things, situations, circumstances to draw us closer to each other and teach us how to better love one another.
And I have a LONG way to go...


all of these amazing pictures come from a blog I follow called: Nitty Gritty Love
all these are realities that we live and I hope to strive toward.
I am a lucky girl to have the husband that I do.
Now I just need to figure out how to make sure he knows it.
That he knows I appreciate him and all he does for our family.
Because we are now a part of each other.
For all of eternity.
He is mine.
and I am his.




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