Tuesday, October 8, 2013

all I can do...

It's late. {or maybe I'm just getting old and it's late for me}
It's been raining off and on all day.
I cannot even begin to tell you how much more relaxing these rainy days are for me.

It's quiet.
Sometimes, I really long for that silent stillness.
It's a wave of relief washing over the hectic, filled day.
The low hum of the appliances in the kitchen and the occasional roll of thunder far off in the distance is all that I hear.

Hailee has been showered, teeth brushed and tucked into bed.
Most nights - I'm not that far behind.
Tonight, I'm just as tired but craved a little time to myself without her sweet, constant chatter.
Her songs that she sings as she's playing, her questions that pepper most all waking moments, her need to push her boundaries and assert her independence...
My eye lids are heavy but there's been something on my mind here lately.


How lucky am I that I have a healthy 4 year old and husband?
How blessed is my life that my husband and I can both work full time jobs and do things we enjoy?
How completely full are our hearts because we have so much love and encouragement from both of our families?
How is it that we get to be in this place, right now, and not struggle with the desperate situations that so many  others are facing?

Unmerited favor.
NOTHING that we deserve or NO THING we could have ever have done to have earned any of this.

I've seen so much in the last few weeks that makes my heart hurt.
So much that simply brings me to my knees in prayer, thanking God over and over again for His lovingkindness.
So much that knocks the wind from my chest, aching in empathy for those that are handling their life situations in a way with such grace and love whereas I'm not sure I could be as composed..

I am so thankful to be where I am, to see the vulnerable side of people, to respect their dignity and nakedness in times where they are simply not in control.
It really puts things in perspective.
Being a nurse has sharpened my senses.
It makes me want to cling that much more tighter to the ones I love.
It makes the moments of regret and guilt for losing my temper or isolating myself from my family that much harder afterward.
It makes me see what a precious gift health is, and how easy it is for it all to be taken away.

Thank you, Jesus for all the things in my life that I'm privileged to be a part of.
Thankful things:

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he's not much for picture taking

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In this life, there is so much to complain about.
It's hard to see past our expectations as to how we think things are supposed to be.
How good we really have it.
How much of it we don't deserve.
And how life continues on regardless of our complications.

I'll leave you with one of my child's favorite songs at this time.
As she would sing, "All I can do, is say Sank You"

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