Wednesday, July 24, 2013

It's been a while.

Things around here have been a bit tense lately.
I haven't been able to find the words to write.
I've started and scratched this post like 7 times in the last week.
A week ago, Roger lost his job.
It's been one big stress ball ever since.
It has definitely not been peaceful under our roof.

It's amazing how one small event can change your lives so much.
So. Much.
Things change.
Security isn't as secure anymore.
Stability topples over.

My husband works hard for our family.
He worked hard so I could go to nursing school.
He's a very honest man.
He lives his life according to God's word.
He's not afraid to be vulnerable or sensitive. 

On top of all this mess last week, I hurt my back.
And let me tell you, when your back is out, there's not a thing that you can do for yourself.
Thank GOD he was home with me - I couldn't have done it by myself.
And thank GOD that my father is the best massage therapist in the South.
I don't know where I'd be without his multiple sessions of deep tissue massage over the weekend.
IT HURT, but did what it was supposed to do.
I'm still sore, but it gets better every day.

I'm working as much as I can in my new job.
I still love it - there's something new every day.
It still can be scary.
My night shifts start next weekend.
That will be another change to prepare for.

Roger will be fine. 
He's already talked to several people and worked enough to make up for last week.
Pray for the discernment to choose the right job for our family.
With my work schedule as all over the place as it is, it may help that he's able to have a more flexible schedule. 

Even though we have been at each others' throats the last few days just from me allowing stress to take over - he's an amazing father.
He's so good with our child.
And she adores her father like nothing else.
So as I critically pick apart all his flaws and demand things to happen that aren't necessarily going to happen over night, he does his best to keep everything together while I work 13 hour days.
We are still the richest we have ever been  - rich in health, rich in family, rich in communication and hopefully rich in our faith.

This is just me being transparent.
This is me failing at giving mercy and grace to people I love.
It hurts.
I'm sorry, maybe I'm being stubborn and just don't want to accept that this is happening. 
This is me trying to cling to some sort of stability and not turning to God for upholding His promises for our family.

I'm going to go spend the day with my girl, soaking up all the time I can with her.
And wait for the rain to come.


  1. I am so sorry! I will keep y'all in my prayers. I hope he finds a good job very soon...I know it's hard for a lot of people right now.

    1. You are a sweet friend! Thank you so much.

  2. Job loss is so hard. We've been dealing with it too and there's just no happy way of saying it: it sucks! Good luck in the coming weeks! xo

    1. Thanks sue! I know y'all understand completely! That sweet girl is growing so fast :)

  3. Do not worry dear every thing will be fine. God always here to help us, he takes some time. There are always bright morning after the dark night.

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    1. Thanks for your kind words. And you are so right. Gods plans for us just may not be what we have in mind for ourselves huh.

  4. Girl it was a volcano around my house too after I failed the NCLEX. So many broken promises I made to my kids during nursing school like, "after I graduate, we can do this _____". You fill in the blank and now I have to continue telling them “after I retake the NCLEX and pass, we can do this _____”. I heard a lot of painful/honest things from my hubby that just boiled out of him from exhaustion/venting/feeling let down with me, that helped give me motivation in the end. Geez I never imagined I wasn't going to pass on the first try. Now my hubby has to keep the kids at bay for another long extended time so I can study, study, study and pass that stupid test on the second attempt. As well as continue working full time as a graduate nurse. I pray things work out for our household too.
    And I pray things go more smoothly in your house as well. Living under stress and tension is not God's intention for you guys, rather it is a test of our faith and obedience for His will. The devil lingers so much closer when we are not strong in our faith, so be well equipped by strapping on your armor and keep him out of your marriage and out of your house! Reclaim God's grace and mercy on your family. I will pray for Roger's possibilities to be endless with his job search, and healing for your back, and the ability to adapt to all different work schedules (day/evening/overnight).
    Take care friend; I’ll reconnect after I’m done taking the exam.

    1. I miss you and hope all is going well with all that studying!!
      At least you still have a job while all this is going on. I know some hospitals that didn't hold jobs for the people in my class that didn't pass NCLEX. By the way, there were 7 out of 58 in my class that did not pass. Stress around here is slowly leaving. I know how hard it must be for you and your family. Don't worry, it will happen. And I look forward to seeing more of you on here when it does!!!
      I'll keep praying for you friend!
      Just keep praying for us :)


say it with a smile.

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