Friday, September 7, 2012

confessions.

oh, hi there.
yes, i know... it's been a while.
i needed this time to process some things.
it's something i'm still trying to do for the most part.
i guess you could say my time has been dominated.
you could even say i'm preoccupied and my mind is in so many places right now.
it's hard to focus.
it has taken me 6 pages just to write out my thoughts.
yes, it's been a while.

i will be really surprised if you even get to the end of this post.
because it is all over the place.
like me right now.

we'll call this - confessions.
or even, randomness.

sometimes i wish i could turn the world off.
and just sit.
and not think.
and not study, or read, or write.
sometimes, the thing i want more than anything in this world is to hold my child so close.
and smell her sweet skin.
and listen to her constant rambling.
because she talks more now than ever before.
and i can't write down all the funny things she says fast enough:

  • "cows poop out milk"
  • "that's kinda funny"
  • "I want some of that spanish" [sushi]
  • "can you do me a flavor?" [favor]
  • "what you said?" -she says this after EVERYTHING we tell her. i know she hears us.
  • Hailee was about to run out in the church parking lot, and roger squeezed her hand tight, hailee said, “Ouch! You’re gonna squish my bones out and then I’ll fall down like a turtle!”
  • "mommy, you need to wash your breath" 
  •  "we need to get some new magnets, these are crappy" - thanks, roger
  • While eating dinner one night, hailee had a fork and was trying to pick up broccoli on her fork. She said, “I need a spoon for this job!”
i haven't even done much taking of pictures.
my heart just hasn't been in it.
and photobucket is being a jerk right now and making it nearly impossible to do what i want it to do.
this is what i got.


Photobucket

a lot of good, random (and a lot of sky/clouds.. you know me with my Doppler radar app..) stuff.

SO...
this has been one of the longest weeks ever.
and we were even off monday.
still - i'm so glad it's friday, friday, friday... 

my baby started her 3 year old preschool this week.
did she love it? yes.
how well did she listen? ehhh... she had to be told to "put on her listening ears" several times.
she's 3.
we're working on it.

there was a big brown cricket on my shoe laces yesterday morning.
i carried the shoes - in the dark - from the kitchen to the living room to put them on.
even then, when i put them down i couldn't quite tell what was on the laces - just brown and looked like sticks.
not sticks. 
not at all.
it moved.
HAD that cricket gotten on me, i would have:
screamed and woke up the whole house, and thrown my shoe across the room.
it could have been bad. 
real bad.

i'm beginning to think that all these psychiatric clinicals are starting to have an effect on me.
i've just felt - OFF this week.
or maybe it's just been an entire week of PMS and i just haven't had the energy or patience for anything or anyone.

TODAY... we had our rotation thru community mental health - out patient care.
i rode along with a "social worker" [not a nurse] to some home visits.
well... we had to pick up a pt who needed to run a few errands.
ELEPHANT IN THE CAR: someone farted.
it was awful and i wanted to roll down my window so bad.
but i sat there instead, with my hand over my nose/mouth in a cloud of putrid stank.
this fart was not one of normal consistencies. 
not natural.
it was NOT me. 
i do not fart [story for another day].

ok, time for more of my favorite etsy shop, ever.
tiny galaxies.
LOVE this shop, and sara is the absolute best to deal with, ever.
go buy some earrings. or a necklace, or a bracelet.


Photobucket


my 31st birthday is in less than a month.
it doesn't seem right.
i don't feel old enough to be in my 30's.
but i'm reminded that i'm NOT in my 20s any more every day.
most of my classmates are in their 20s.

speaking of class...
what a difference a year makes!!!
a year ago today, i was just trying to keep my head above water in school.
this was probably about the time i figured out how to study for my nursing exams and was learning all my basic nursing skills: bed baths, vital signs, injections, catheters...
one year later, and this 1st month of my 4th semester has blown by.
i literally turned around and it was september.
i am STILL writing august for the month.
-what am i saying??!! every time i write the full date, i'm tempted to put 2010 instead of 2012??!!
i don't even know why.

i made a 97 on both my 1st tests for NUR 214 [psych] and NUR 210 [medical-surgical]
gotta keep it up now.

i introduced roger to frozen grapes last week.
can you believe he's never experienced those cold bursts of happiness in his mouth?
if you have not tried it, you're missing out.
big time.

hailee's been watching some dora the explorer, and her cousin, diego.
here is a treasure map roger fashioned for her after a few episodes.
he sure knows his way around some markers and crayons.

Photobucket

she'll come up to me, string some nonsense together, and ask, "did i just speak spanish??"
maybe, darling, maybe.
Mommy wouldn't even know.

the under wire started coming out of my favorite bra.
have i gotten a new one yet? no.
i duct taped that sucka up and kept going!
AND, my flip flops might have came apart, but i have gorilla glued them back together.
that's strong glue.
i'm even a little surprised it worked.
and those are my tricks for the week!

i totally made my family chicken nuggets for dinner tonight.
i balanced them out with green beans and mac n cheese.
and i have not cleaned up dinner yet.

sometimes, my husband talks for longer than my current attention span can listen.
but, usually, it's something he's already told me, just in more detail.
Circumstantiality is a new word in my psych vocabulary.
sometimes he does this.
kinda. but not to this extreme.
Circumstantial speech (also referred to as circumstantiality) is a communication disorder in which the focus of a conversation drifts, but often comes back to the point. In circumstantiality, unnecessary details and irrelevant remarks cause a delay in getting to the point.

we've been living in this old house for 2 years now.
here, lately: our bedroom door is now closing on it's own.
it won't stay open.
this has never happened in the last 2 years we've been here.
it's the strangest thing.

i have not finished any books, watched any movies, listened to anything in the news/presidential debate...
i'm at a loss when it comes to current events.
there is just no time.

well, now.
that wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be.
and i'm sure that i'm leaving stuff out.
but that's how it's been lately.
all over the place.
oh, this weekend will be one i am looking forward to.
happy friday.




6 comments:

  1. OMG all I can think of is "flight of ideas" lol Yeah Psych gets us all thinking that we have some major issues... but I think I have just figured out that the issue is simply.... NURSING SCHOOL and I'll leave it at that... at least my NP seems to understand me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL. yes, or tangentiality!!
      wait until you notice that you are talking to yourself more.
      i actually had THAT conversation with a classmate friday!
      and yes, i have caught myself talking to myself.

      Delete
  2. Kids have no filter which is why they are so funny. My son once told me I ate too many fat cakes. It wasn't his finest moment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahaha!!
      fat cakes.
      i gotta make sure NOT to eat any of those.
      i mean, i don't need any help in that department.
      sometimes i laugh at what my 3 year old says.
      other times, i'm just shocked.

      Delete
  3. I totally understand where you are in your mind, I usually find myself lying awake, unable to turn my brain off. I recently put a small notebook on my nightstand with a pen, that way, if I thought of anything I really wanted to write down (a to-do, an inspiration, or just a thought) I could write it down and "turn off" that thought. I've gotten used to this process, and after the writing step, I can almost breathe a fresh breath and pray effectively, and then fall into a peaceful sleep. It's been amazing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i've definitely done that before. i think i'm just not that into posting all this stuff right now with school stress bearing down on my back. not that i don't want to, it just takes THAT MUCH MORE effort to actually do it.

      Delete

say it with a smile.

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