Thursday, June 28, 2012

not knowing enough about the news.

summer break: thank you so much for finally getting here!!!
even if you are only for the next 10 days.
oh, but sweltering heat minus any rain, you really don't have to hang around.

i want to have a smart blog update, i really do...
in light of all the drama going on with the new health care mandate...

but, honestly:
1. since being in nursing school for the past year, i have had a disconnect from all news/media information and do not know nearly enough to talk about it on here.
2. it also doesn't help that we don't have cable or TV channels (only netflix and that, we don't watch the news on) and have no way of seeing everything going on (i don't really have time to watch it anyway)
3. now that we live on my husband's income alone, and barely make it from paycheck to paycheck, i can see from the side of someone that is struggling enough financially and medicaid is the only option for health insurance. that would be what i'm trying to get for my child - FOR ONE YEAR - until i finish school and get a RN job that has health benefits. because: we don't have the money to drop on emergency visits to the doctor should something go wrong. we have to make it a point to put aside money for the doctor's appointments and monthly prescriptions that we do have, because right now, there's not so much left after bills have been paid and groceries have been bought. OH, yeah, and won't even mention gas... (since i drive an hour to school then an hour home a few days a week).... only 1 more year... (gotta keep telling myself that)
4. if i could afford health insurance for my family, you better believe i would have it.
5. i don't have a strong enough opinion on political stuff to want to dedicate a blog post to it. [i voted for McCain last election]
6. all this craziness/wars/rumors of wars/freak weather issues/governmental mumbo-jumbo has all been predicted as to what was going to happen by a pretty reliable source (the Bible:) and just means we're that much more closer to Jesus' return (maranatha!)

- i don't know what all this will mean for me wanting to be a RN, if it means anything at all.
- from what i've seen, i don't think it will go into effect until 2014, and by that time, i will be out of school, working, and *hopefully* be able to provide health insurance for my family.
- ok, as for the "tax penalty" for the people that choose not to get governmental health insurance: will it make more people decide not to do their taxes at all?? ~ because believe it or not, some people just DON'T file.
we do, but i know some that don't.

i don't have any fun pictures from this week since it's been a little busy.
i'll work on that next week since i'll be with my sweet hailee all week!!!
instead, here is a song :)

james vincent mcmorrow - we don't eat.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

flow of thoughts.

want to talk about random?
here is random.

- if my suntan lotion was in my bag (with the cap on), how in the world did it open and unleash tropical fury all over everything else in my bag. LOVE the way it smells - minus the foamy residue.

- after you get some sun (or in my case, a red, red sunburn) is it not supposed to dry out your skin? why did my skin erupt in crazy little red bumps like it did when i was 13? not fair.

- at summer camp when i was a teenager, we saran-wrapped a girl in her bunk bed and put toothpaste all down her arms. while she was sleeping. it was all in good fun. and we were teenagers.

- i was flossing the other day (which time? oh, that would be after lunch. because i could literally floss after i eat anything) and noticed the skin on my face doing this taught 'old skin' look. am i just noticing this because i'm 30 now and everything's different about my skin?

- good water pressure is very important; especially if you have a lot of thick hair (like me) and the hardest setting on the shower head just kind of 'sprinkles' out, NOT washing out all the shampoo. then, i get to walk around all day looking like a grease head. even in a pony tail.

- what could i take a picture of and post on instagram right now? my messy house? the mound of clothes that i've moved from the dryer to the bed? hailee's recent art with my high-lighters? all the papers OUTSIDE of my notebook that need organizing?

- my house will never be as clean as my mom and dad's.

- my mom told me she was bringing hailee to my house the other day before i would have been home from class: thus ensued a massive attempt to 'spic-n-span' anything in sight, shoving things in drawers that normally they don't go in, and even putting dishes in the dishwasher that MUST be washed by hand, just because i don't want them in my sink/on my counter.

- how hard is it to throw something in the trash? my husband [bless his heart] will open something, be it a piece of cheese, the freshness seal on the creamer, the plastic wrap on his hot sauce, the PLASTIC PEG around the bread - and leave it on the kitchen counter, NOT EVEN 2 feet from the trash can. i think he gets distracted.

- my child would much rather eat snacks than meals. it is a battle to get her to eat anything - except when it's not mealtime.

- i should really get back to my 'study guide' i've been trying to put together for the last week.

- is it normal to want to buy all these arts and crafts supplies, and not be good at arts and crafts? because that's me. i have stuff do get all crafty with, but don't know the 1st thing to do with any of it.
[feeling inspired and being artistic are 2 WAY different things;)]

- i really am too busy to be sitting here, typing all this, but sometimes, this is how i think.

- why does everything for the home have to be so expensive?
i wanted curtains in my living room. just curtains. then, i had to think about what curtain rods i wanted. then, i had to get 'tie backs' because every single window in my HOUSE is over a vent (smart idea? idk), then got home and realized we bought nothing to hook the tie backs to once they were on the curtains. THEN, was hanging the curtains and realized that one of them was not like the others... :) yes, we have 2 windows in our living room. my man picked up 3 LONG panel eclipse curtains, and ONE short panel window curtain.
i still hung them :)
it's still noticeable.
i don't care.
when the curtains are closed, it feels like our living room is a cave, because our walls AND CEILING is wood paneling.
roger would live in a dark, dark place if it was his choice.
he wants a room (cave) all his very own one day.
if we ever OWN a house.

- i have broken 3 - count em - 3 blinds in 3 different windows all trying to kill bugs. cheap blinds.

- fish poop a lot. or at least our big goldfish, Nemo does.

- we need more rain. it has been a while since we've gotten any, and IT'S SUMMER PEOPLE!! summer storms are absolutely THE BEST! and when there's nothing happening in the weather, i don't get to check my Doppler radar app as much on my iPhone ;)

- my child knows how to work my iPhone as good as (if not better) than i do. she can make it do things i didn't even know possible. like, when the apps all wiggle with an 'X' in the top corners of them - i STILL don't know how she does it.

- my fave iPhone game: bejeweled.

- my iPhone takes better pictures than my camera.
i would much rather use it than the camera.
where is my camera? i don't even know where it is right now.
when i graduate nursing school in 11 months, i will get one of those fancy DSL cameras.
i won't know how to use it.
but it will be fun to play with!

Saturday = grocery day pizza lunch.
never fails.
i get to the grocery store and cannot even fathom making lunch when i get home, no matter how much food i'm surrounded by.

- i have slammed the front (back) door on someone's face trying to keep an evil, flying, stinging BUG out of my house. not on purpose, it was a reflex.

- bugs tend to make me scream (on occasion) i fear my child has seen me scream at one too many bugs.

- i see some clouds trying to come up outside. yes, i just checked my Doppler app. the radar is clear. fear not = nothing is coming my way in the form of a storm.

- if i lived in a neighborhood, i just might start running. i miss running. i used to run. i don't live in a 'runner friendly' place right now. i would not run down Barr Rd if you paid me. it might make me sprain my ankles. both of them.

- Speaking of Barr Rd... it takes me 5 minutes to get from my house to the end of the road, leading to lexington ON A GOOD DAY! usually, what happens is, i get behind someone going 35 mph when the speed limit is 45. i drive a stick shift. 35 mph is RIGHT in between 4th and 5th gears.

- i'm trying to decide what i want to cook for dinner tonight. i have chicken, and i have pinterest. gotta go find something compatible with my picky 3 year old eater. she doesn't like 'sauce' on her chicken.
sauce = ketchup/bbq sauce/mustard/anything that remotely has flavor...

- wish i had more time for: bible studies, church ministries, blogging, hanging out with my family, working out, hanging out with friends, reading, pinterest, creating stuff, song writing/guitar playing...  2 more semesters to go...

- i could go on and on.

- but, my husband will probably be home soon and this house sho ain't gon clean itself.


Wednesday, June 20, 2012

children and such...

i wish i had more time to keep up with this blog.
and one day maybe i will.
for now, it's once a week, when i have a free minute.

RIGHT NOW, i'm supposed to be working on my part of our notebook for our service learning, but i'm finding it hard to concentrate, and not type everything 'word-for-word' from their website.

Camp Kemo's, that is.

I keep thinking about my daughter who is about to wake up from her nap any minute, studying and making my study guide for our test that is next week, the mountain of clothes that need washing in the bathroom, what I’m going to do about dinner tonight. 
Yeah, you could say my mind is in about 5 different places right now.

so... this will probably be a random post about stuff.
[isn't it always...]



YES, last week was Camp Kemo week.
they had some great weather, and a lot of fun.
i got very sun burnt on my face Thursday: Pine Island day.
totally wasn't expecting that.
my face is still in the finishing stages of peeling.
i should have used some of that sun tan lotion in the big bucket up there.


summer is NOT my favorite season.
it may be my least favorite season.

as of now, the 1st day of summer, officially:
* the CD player in my car decides it does not want to work if it gets too hot
* some of the buttons on my radio player in my car don't feel like working if it gets too hot
[i am in my car A LOT y'all]
* i do not like wearing shorts - at all.
* bugs and me have a hate/hate relationship and i'm pretty sure they ALL come out in the summer
* gnats will not let you stand outside without swarming around your face and getting in your eyes, up your nose, and buzzing in your ears. very disconcerting...
* our little house isn't very well insulated, so on these hot days, our AC could be running continuously
* the sun starts coming up around 6 AM, and when you want to sleep in, it is not fun for the sun to shine in your eyes.
* sometimes the sun doesn't completely set until around 9 PM - yesterday was one of those really long days.
* my car feels like an oven when i get in it after school, and SINCE my car really don't have no 'get up and go', the AC has to stay off until i get on the interstate, and established at a good 70 mph.

i do like wearing flip-flops and t-shirts :)

hailee made roger some father's day paintings:


and it's hard to keep her out of her princess dress and fairy wings


i had my first clinical experience at the Family Health Center in O-burg (pediatrics) yesterday.
let me tell you - i was UBER nervous!

i HAVE a kid.
i have SEEN her get shots in her chubby little infant thighs.
i WANTED bad stuff to happen to anyone who caused my gorgeous baby pain.
[even the nurses that immunized her]
yesterday, i WAS that BAD NURSE that gave babies shots :(
not. fun.

i TOTALLY didn't mind getting all their little measurements: head circumference, height, weight, temp (rectal... ugh), respirations, heart rate.
That wasn't so bad.

i was shaking through my 1st round-o-shots.
literally, i know I could see it, and probably everyone else in the room.
BUT - there's a first time for everything.
and mine - was yesterday for infant shots.

so, i will tell you that i was relieved when we came back from lunch and only had 2 more patients come in.


as of last week, we are officially half way through with this semester.
we will go through the end of July, then start back [with a whole new batch of freshmen] in mid-august.
after this semester is over, there are only 2 more.
they will be hard from what i've heard.
but, hey - i heard this summer would be easy.
it's been crazy!

not hard, but LOTS of stuff to do in what seems like little or no time to get it all done.
there really isn't any time where i could sit around and justify not doing something.
from our [one credit hour] service learning group, to the 9 clinical experiences at 5 different sites, to our weekly unit tests, [and all the paperwork that goes along with all of that stuff], to the videos we have to watch - sometimes, things get a little exhausting.

i'll come home from a day of clinical and be ready to go to sleep at 8 PM.
then, i think: will it be like this every day when i'm a real nurse?
it wears me out so much now.


hailee likes it outside.
and now, she's awake and wants me to play candyland with her.


i can't find candyland, so memory, it is!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

this week in review.

d081b96a, Uploaded from the Photobucket iPhone App

i love instagram :)
*follow me for fun pictures throughout the week - but you may see them again on here
i love to pretend like i'm a photographer and edit my pictures.
not that they look professional by any means, it's just fun.
and some of them look good...
and instagram is super easy!
**my iPhone tends to get me in trouble.
[with my husband] he cannot stand it.
but you can do EVERYTHING on it!!
so, it's alright by me :)**

i took the top picture on the way to clinical at Palmetto Health Richland - at 6:00 AM on SUNDAY morning.
for real - there were maybe 3 other cars with me on my drive in to town.
it was nice!!
if only traffic was like that every day.
it wouldn't take me almost an hour to get to school...
and the joy of having clinicals at PHR = i live 20 minutes away :)
so, ALL MY CLASSMATES in Orangeburg get to see what I drive..
every. day. of class.
because that's about what they have to drive to get to PHR from orangeburg.
1 hour.

and you know what - there is a college [or 2] near me that i could have gone to for nursing school.
BUT, i chose Orangeburg-Calhoun Tech.
an hour away from me.
because they have a stellar nursing program. [and no waiting list]
and i am learning SO MUCH!!
and the instructors are wonderful!
i know i've said that many times before, but its really true.
they care about you.

i'm still, not 100% sure that i could jump out of my car at the scene of an accident and help a trauma victim.
i am a senior. [still not sunk in yet]
and one day, when there is a bad wreck on the road in front of me, i'll be able to help!
or where ever - in a store, at a friend's house, at church, in a foreign 3rd world country (maybe missionary work :)

STILL something i'm thinking and praying real hard about.
medical missionary work and maybe even doctors without borders - [as a nurse]
my husband has a heart for missions.
me: i have a phobia of bugs. [it's real bad y'all]
something else God will have to get me through since He got me To it!
but i want to help people.
and i want what i do in my life to glorify God.

roger and i were watching this documentary on missionaries [a whole season/show actually] called travel the road and it REALLY makes you think.


what we see, every day is normal.

to us.

cars. nice interstates. tall, sturdy buildings. neighborhoods of huge homes. expensive clothes. healthy children and adults. doctors offices of some sort on every corner. grocery stores. gas stations

ohmygravy, i could LITERALLY go on and on and on and on and on and on and on....

[but you get the picture]

yeah, well - a majority of our WORLD lives without all these luxuries.
yes, luxuries.
luxuries I take for granted every day.
and what did I do to deserve things that they can't have??

so, my heart is to serve.
i'm not going to be a nurse for the money.
geez, i don't even know WHERE i want to work when i graduate, because there are many, many options out there for nurses.
and that is probably something i should start thinking and praying hard about too...
[and if you want to pray for me about it - go right ahead!!]

i laugh - thinking about life AFTER nursing school.
because right now, its not in the picture.
nursing school is all i've known for the last near.
and nursing school is all i will know for another 11 months.
[i will not say a year is left, because i will not add MORE time to what i have till i'm done :)]

*yes, i sometimes do this - had NO intention of writing all that, but it just came out :)*

in a little FISHY news...
guess what we got?!?!?!


yes, that is a princess castle and a princess in the aquarium.
i believe her name is 'Princess Delustia' but i have no idea how hailee spells it.
and i have no idea where it came from either.
my child makes me laugh
a lot!
and the things she says sometimes makes perfect sense to her,
but none at all to anyone else :)
and i'm OK with that, because she is SUPER original.

and the back ground for the tank was perfect for our 3 year old's room.
all girly and what not.

don't worry, roger has anchored the stand to the wall, so it isn't going anywhere...
because i WAS worried about it - all 20 gallons - tipping over on top of hailee.
nay worried - freakishly paranoid.

because i'm a mom, and that's what i do.

and still am a little bit worried about it.

oh, but she loves it.


and it's the closest thing to 'pets' we'll get to for at least another year...

because momma don't have time to do anything other than feed the fishy's a few times a day.
and daddy is gonna clean the tank.
i'm stickin to that...

SO - we got 4 fish.
a biggie, and 3 smallies [goldfish]
the girl at the pet store said they would NOT eat each other.

we woke up the next morning, and there were 3.
the 4th was no where to be seen.
it just disappeared.
we have NO idea what happened to it.
but no other fish have gone missing this week, so.... yeah.
here's to making these 'pets' last ;)

roger took hailee outside the other day [new pool and sprinkler thing] so i could study.
she had so much fun.
hailee LOVES being outside.
what child doesn't??
and she loves to pose for pictures.
can you tell??

i snuck out to take a few pictures of hailee in action.


my sweet girl.

we took our 4th test today in Nursing 212: Nursing Care of Children.
on the last 3 tests, i've made A's.
i made my first B on this one [88 - 90 is an A].
i will say it's because hailee was here last night, and i didn't get all the 'last minute' studying in that i usually get in.
she usually stays at my parents' the night before a test.
i will try to start on my study guide for the next test TONIGHT!
i don't like making B's.

this week is Camp Kemo!!!
we're going to camp tomorrow and friday too!
this camp is so awesome :)
i'm one lucky girl to be a part of it.

in my teenage years, i went to summer camp.
camp edisto, in branchville, sc.
for one week out of every summer, i was there.
sweating, with swarms of gnats, and crazy fun, roughing it in cabins with no a.c. or fans (we had to bring all our own), moldy communal bathrooms, and ALL the shenanigans that went along with summer camp.

i will send hailee to summer camp when she is old enough.
and she will like it :)

5 weeks of this semester DONE (pretty much, the rest of this week is camp fun!)
and 6 weeks to go.
this marks the half-way point of this summer semester.
thankyou Jesus!
it really is going by VERY fast.
hope everyone has a great long weekend.
and father's day [sunday!!]

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

a little bit of this, and a little bit of that.

as you can see, i'm studiously here, studying for my NUR 212 test tomorrow.

while sitting here studying for this test, i can think of at least 3 other things i could should be doing.
....such as life as a nursing student....
for these 2 years i'm in school, i shall eat, drink, and breathe nursing school.

aaahhh summer.
it's here, but the livin is NOT easy... it's busy ;)

now is when all the kids are starting to get out of school.
not us.
i'm pretty sure even the nursing students going for their BSN are on summer break.
[my cousins, twins, 20 years old, in the BSN program at university of south carolina are... one is even in Germany!]
not us.

we have a test or 2 every week, a jam packed clinical schedule to keep up with [that is no where near the same as the person who sits next to you in class], videos to watch pertaining to the material we're studying, clinical research/paperwork due after every clinical we go to, service learning projects [a type of FUN community service] that require working in a group and putting in hours at a place pre-destined the week you start school and putting a project notebook/poster together and a journal every 2 weeks for this, and class lectures that are on no certain schedule whatsoever [well, sort of a schedule, but more all over the place than during a regular semester].

i am happy to say...
summer is flying by!
this is our 4th week out of 11 weeks.

i totally had my 1st day of IV therapy today, and let me tell you, it was a blood-bath.
the 1st time i stuck the arm, i got a dud arm.
nothing happened.
then, we moved to another table.
this arm was very much full of [fake] blood.
** we do not practice on real people!!**
and, it went EVERYWHERE!
not on me, but my manequin hand was sitting in a pool of blood.
i was told this is what could possibly happen if you get a 'bleeder'
AND THAT!!! is why you wear gloves :)
i get to "practice" 2 more hours tomorrow before my check-off thursday

check off.
a word so so so familiar in 1st semester.
fundamentals of nursing = multiple check off's.
heart pounding, stomach churning, mind going blank, nervous beyond anything ever experienced.
when someone is watching you,  grading your every move,
suddenly, that slight little wrist flick over your sterile field takes on a whole new meaning!!
contamination = FAIL!!
we don't want infections... do we???
at least, none the hospital could possibly be responsible for :) [nosocomial infections]

oh, summer...
here in the south, as the days get longer, the humidity goes higher.
the mosquito's are much more plentiful [and gnats, here in lexington].
the grass grows faster - and the only ideal time to cut it is before the sun fully comes up.
the electric bills get higher - and if you're not careful, the AC could run around the clock like ours has.
the summer storms are unpredictable, can be pretty severe, and over before you know it.


here is a summer storm that was trying to come up on me before i got home the other day.
this was in the middle of the day, and the sky behind me was dark and scary - FAST!!!
they're fun to listen to when you're inside - somewhere safe, but not fun when you're driving and the rain is falling so hard, and so fast, that you can barely see the road, even with your wipers on full blast.

i also like summer because it's prime weather for grilling out, and who doesn't like food that has been grilled??

Uploaded from the Photobucket iPhone App

this was the before picture.


and while daddy grilled, hailee ran around in the sun.
in a long sleeved dress.
and her rain boots.
if you haven't noticed, the rain boots are the "go to" shoes when i tell her to hurry up and get on some shoes so we can go outside. [they're actually on my living room floor, right this very minute :)]
they must be easy to get on :)

8da9b0cd, Uploaded from the Photobucket iPhone App

a little father/daughter wii game.


my senior class picture!!!
these are the faces i see 24/7
they keep nursing school interesting
everyone brings something new and different to our class
i can't imagine class without them


and a few more shots of the senior pinning ceremony, behind the scenes


i was going through some old pictures the other day...


these 2 people are my inspiration!
a lot of guilt comes with nursing school.
guilt that i'm not being a good wife.
guilt that i'm not being a good mother.
my child has to stay over night at mimi and papa's every week at least 2 days so mommy can study.
guilt that our house isn't always clean.
guilt that it takes so much for me to want to work out/eat well and i don't have the time/energy for it.

sometimes, i can be pretty torn between these things.
sometimes, i can only hope that i'm making the right decision with school.
who would have thought nursing school could be so all-consuming?
but it is.
and hopefully this means that when i graduate in 11 months, and take/pass my NCLEX, and become a real, certified RN - it will all be worth it.
for now, there is a light at the end of the tunnel,
but there is also a torrent of emotions that are wrapped around me, running toward that light.
11 more months...

Friday, June 1, 2012

emotionally exhausted.

this week was hard.



not when it comes to children suffering, sick, dying....

not fun.
let me tell you how hard that lecture was.

i had tears in my eyes the whole time.
i held it together - but broke - mah - heart!

children: sweet, innocent, vulnerable, beautiful, trusting, loving, brave, courageous, SMART!!!, amazing, happy, giving little people.

and this week, we had lectures on child abuse, and chronic illness, disability, and death of the child.

a super sweet, funny woman that sits next to me in class HAS lost a child.
She cried.
Icouldnotlookather - Or i would've cried.

THEN, there was a sweet girl in my class [chels] that told us about a child dying - after a golf cart turned over - OF ALL THINGS!!!
was in the ICU, unconscious, brain-dead - and the parents had to decide to take the babe off life support.
the mother held her baby's [close to teenager] hand the WHOLE time
it was one of the NURSES that had a statue type thing made of them holding hands (molded their hands in the stuff you use to mold your mouth for detal things) RIGHT before they decided to take the child off life support.
[oh, the touch of a nurse...]

THAT is when i almost lost it.

the only thing i could think of was... hailee

my 3 year old, spunky, smart, amazing, funny, happy, FULL OF LIFE daughter

and how tiny her hands are.
and how intricate her hands are.
and HOW MUCH she uses her hands.
and how much i LOVE those sweet little hands.
and how that statue would look it if were her hand and my hand.

[i want to cry just thinking about it - thanks chels ;)]

AND - how i didn't want children.

and how she was the best and most amazing surprise i could have EVER expected.

and how her precious life turned my [NOW] husband's life from drug addiction to a life of servitude to Christ Jesus.

and how she touches other people's lives EVERY DAY...

yes, Pediatrics is fun, but it is VERY hard for me.

my heart, as a nurse, wants to 'fix' things.
there are some things that cannot be fixed.
and when it comes to a child, it makes me want to cry.

.... CAMP KEMO!!!!!!

this will be my service learning project for the semseter.
what an amazing experience it is going to be.
with children, and their siblings, that are suffering from, and have suffered through blood disorders, and cancers.
in 2 weeks, i will be helping out with this camp, and very proud to be a part of it.
who knows... maybe i'll keep doing it every year ;)

brave, encouraging little souls.

this makes me excited more than you can know.

to touch a child's life.
to be a part of a sick child's FUN WEEK OF CAMP!!!!
is super encouraging..

my daughter has my heart in her hands.
only after 3 years, i can already tell you, that this journey of parenthood is going to be a beautiful, difficult experience that is going to evolve over a lifetime.
i can only pray that it lasts that long.


happy friday...
I'm off to sing/co-lead worship for U-Turn - love it!

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