what to do, what to do.. well, i'll tell you what i'm going to do!
i've decided that in the current situation we're in (partially at my parents for the next 2 months), if my husband continues to go round and round in circles in the cycle that is addiction, i must be able to provide for my daughter.
yesterday, i reapplied to midlands tech.
i stopped pre x-ray technician school in the end of 2008 a few months before hailee was born and haven't gone back. this puts me back in status of active student. i was 2 classes away from beginning the x ray program with clinicals and all. i still have all my classes and grades (3.9 gpa!! woot woot -would have been a 4.0 but a butt head english teacher gave me a "B"!!), so maybe there won't be many prerequisites to take so that i can start the nursing program.
i have no idea what the waiting list looks like.. it doesn't really matter though, i have to do something. i must be able to provide for myself and my daughter if my husband can't pick himself up and conquer his addictions. i cannot keep depending on my parents as a safe haven.
sure, they would give me the world if i asked, but that's not me. i'm very independent. this is such a humbling experience.
i've been praying constantly that God gives me the knowledge and opportunity to be able to provide for my daughter and myself ever since roger went back into u turn this week. yesterday, my dad said those exact words.. 'you need to have a career where you can provide for you and hailee if roger and you don't work out'.. WOW God answers prayers!! so they are going to watch Hailee during the day while i'm in classes and i can work at night if i have to.
i'm also going to have to tell roger he cannot continue to work in the landscape business because without benefits, and only making $9-$10 an hour won't do in helping support a family and with me going back to school. in the words of my sister-in-law, Cynthia, "you're going to have to figure it out" because i want to better my self and go back to school. it won't take forever, and hopefully i'll be able to go full time instead of part time with my parents helping out. God is good.
don't get me wrong, i love my husband, but i will not put hailee through the cycles that i've been through with roger. she deserves the world. she didn't ask to be born into a life without a father, but i think that option is better than one with a father who just can't be sober. i love my sweet baby girl way too much for that.
not many of you know that we're going through this because i'm a pretty quiet person and don't really get into all this with everyone, but i need to vent. not a day has gone by YET when i haven't heard how bad it is because roger made the decisions he did. but i'm persevering and i will have patients that God will work for good in my situation. He has a plan and never gives us more than we can handle. one amazing thing that came out of roger going to u turn is that i've gotten so much closer to my heavenly father. i'm reading my bible again and getting comfort from these trials and tribulations that we're in the midst of. God wants us to draw closer to him in these times so He can take on our worries and problems. i'm giving it all to Him.
already, look what's happened - i'm going to call and set up an appointment to talk to someone in the nursing department to see what i have to do to start the nursing program.
i can do this.