Sunday, March 18, 2018

how have you been??!!

Yet again, LONG TIMES have passed since I've been around these parts.

It really hit home when I ran into my VERY FIRST EVER roommate in Walmart yesterday.
*because over the years, I've had several amazing roomies, but this girl was The first*
One of my very best friends from high school ;)
We had the best of times!
Court was always so much fun!
We laughed together so much!
She was one of THE funniest people I knew and I LOVED being around her!
Oh, Courtney.... 
1997. 1998. 1999 (and years and years before that...)

So, getting back to the point of this tangent...

We see each other in Walmart - I'm doing my ritualistic Saturday morning grocery run, buggy full of stuff, on the last leg, the produce.section.
Looking for White Sweet Potatoes (should have known Walmart wouldn't have them) for a new "swoodle" recipe I want to try... because I recently got a Paderno Spiralizer and I want to spiralize ALL the things!! 

And there she is with her little girl in her buggy, doing her own shopping.

Hey!! How have you been?!!??!

and together, we answer at the same time, with the same word...


because it's the truth.

20 years ago, we never could've imagined all that we'd be doing to get to where we are - both almost 37 years old. 
Lord, if that doesn't make you feel old, I don't know what will.
It's the new normal.
It's a good excuse too.

Oh girl, I can't hang out this week - I'm too busy -
Hailee has Girl Scouts Monday evenings, Run Hard Tuesdays and Thursdays. I have appointments with patients to see in Orangeburg, Bamberg, Holly Hill, and Williston 3 days this week then I'll be in the office catching up on phone calls the other 2 days. I have to remember to put in my expense report for mileage and my nursing license that is renewed this year.
Not to mention, the house is an absolute disaster zone because the weekend is THE ONLY time I have to catch up with laundry, all the dirty dishes, paperwork that gets crammed in Hailee's book bag throughout the week, dinners and lunches to prep for. Bills I have to make sure are paid on time.
There's the Charleston field trip Roger is going on with Hailee Thursday - they'll be getting back that evening - so I guess Run Hard is out that day... AND, Terminex is coming Thursday to do their quarterly spray for bugs - I have to make sure I'm home by 6.
Hailee's birthday and Easter fall on the same weekend this year and I may have only bought 2 presents and NO Easter stuff yet - her 9th birthday party? Yeah, haven't made ANY plans for that yet - I can't even get that far in my brain because it's still 2 weeks away. 

Our 17 year old selves had no idea.

They had fun.
They went to school, did homework, went to their part time retail jobs, went to the movies, spent the nights at each others' houses, drank wine coolers sometimes, got grounded for doing things we shouldn't have been doing, went on beach trips, talked about boys, listened to each others' CD's, wore each others' clothes, drove each others' cars, talked on the phone all the time (because no, we didn't have cell phones back then, so talking on the phone was second nature, not texting).
I played guitar all the time, wrote a lot of songs, played songs for our parents and friends, played in the youth group band, went on ski trips and summer beach retreats.... 

And it was A LOT of fun.
Then, slowly, gradually, time passed.
And it's moving faster and faster, despite us and our busy schedules.

Time gets away from us.
Time passes and suddenly, it's been 20 years since I've seen her - or any of my high school besties.

We get college degrees, start our careers, get married, have babies, buy houses, pay bills, devote ourselves to our families, and lose track of each other.
I do like Facebook because we DO still have some kind of link to each others' adult lives.
Because even though we don't get to spend time with each other like we used to, we can still be in touch with a part of them.

To be completely honest with you, I think we need to be connected to our friends and spend time with them whenever time permits. I miss the part of my life where I had good, close friends.
Yes, my husband is my best friend and we do everything together, but we joke sometimes about not having any friends to do things with.
We do though, and busyness plays a huge part in whether or not we do things with them.

There is so much to catch you up with in my world - since it's almost been a whole year since I've done so - but even when I sat down to type this out, there was interruption after interruption...

 Hailee - mom! where are my pants? 
 Hailee - MOM! I need to go play with Whitley, she's on the trampoline!
 ME - Hailee! you cannot wear the same clothes 2 days in a row, they're dirty!
 Hailee - it's ok mom, they wear the same clothes all the time.
 ME - brush your hair! Wait, I should just put it up because you're going to be running around..
 Hailee - Mom, there's not a brush down here!
 ME - Hailee, it's right behind me - you didn't even LOOK for it!
 Roger - I think I'll ride my motorcycle to the store - I need to go get new pants 
 Roger - have you seen my wallet?
 Roger - have you seen my keys?
 Roger - where is the bottled water?
 Roger - can you zip up these pockets on my riding jacket? I have my helmet on and can't see them
 ME - second cup of coffee
 ME - feed kitty MoMo

Now, I have to finish washing dishes, start a load of laundry, and clean up all the stuff.

Always Busy.

Saturday, July 8, 2017

Forever everyday.

Oh, my, gosh,

So, this has been on my mind for a while not but it's such a touchy subject that I've only talked to my family about it.
And it's still just as baffling and uncomfortable as it ever was..

The big D.
The thing that shouldn't be mentioned.
But in today's culture, it's prevalent.
Almost expected.

Social media paints such a pretty picture.
Happy marriage.
Happy family.
Happy life.
Pretty pictures.
Fun status updates.

But, reality is messy.
The lines can be so blurry.
And there's nothing more truthful that a relationship status of... married, single, in a relationship, or the ever so elusive... it's complicated.

And then you hear about that thing - the seven year itch.
The time, according to the US Census Bureau, that a divorce is likely to happen.
A time when complacency, routine, disinterest, scheduling, irreconcilable differences start to stare you in the face.
There is also a 4 year peak of divorce rate.
But who's counting years anyway?

This is where my opinion comes in.
Marriage is special and should be protected.
God, it can be hard sometimes.
So hard.
And ya know, I was married and divorced when I was 20, until 23 years old.
I think.
Honestly, time has a way of making you forget things and events.
Dates and times.
I was young, probably not in the best state of mind to be married in the first place.
Not for the right reasons, not understanding enough of responsibility.
But I will never discount the family I gained from that marriage.
My in-laws from my first marriage will ALWAYS be in my life.
I still love them to this day.
People, not marriage certificates, tend to find their way into your heart, despite the circumstances.
Life still happens and you can't take back things that happened in your past.
I never would.
I did gain a good set of people in my first marriage but that is beside the point.
I just wanted to tell you that so you could see I wasn't just "saying all of this" from a -neverbeendivorced point of mind...

But I'm older.
Understand more about life than I did when I was 20.

I have been with Roger since 2006.
We have been through some pretty earth shattering situations.
We have weathered some pretty devastating storms.
We have been through a LOT in the 11 years we have been together.
We're still together.

Because marriage takes work.
And with him, I'm safe.
With him, I have no need to worry.
But, only with him.
I don't know what makes us different from any other couple.
We still have our "issues" every. single. day.
There are still things we don't see eye to eye on. every. single. day.
We are not one person.
But we are.
Such a conundrum.
But that is us.

Our Married friends.
With families, with lives of their own, we see dissolve every day.
I could never imagine life without him.
With our daughter, who is half of him and half of me, who cherishes the mother-father relationship that we have, whether she understands it or not.
Because they don't.
Children are so young, impressionable and trusting.
They learn from us.
They depend on us.
They rely on us.
We are "their people".

A lot of people stay married for the children.
I want to stay married for my marriage.
Oh, my gosh, it's harder said than done at times.
Because we are moody humans.
We can be lazy, we can work too much, we can be stupid with finances, irresponsible with our thoughts and actions.
Sometimes we play video games too much, have to be nagged to take out the trash or clean the kitchen, wash the laundry.
Sometimes we're on our phones too much, not present enough, isolate ourselves too much.
But those are our choices.

You get out of a relationship JUST what you put into it.
My marriage is my marriage.
Your marriage is not mine.
I make a choice every day to love and show my husband my commitment.

Sometimes we both fail, miserably.
But it NEVER means I don't want to be married to him.

Lord, I pray that we can keep our marriage sacred like our parents did.
It takes work just like anything does.
It takes effort on both parts.
We are not perfect and neither is our marriage.
No one's is.
It will work if we choose for it to.

And these are just words, thoughts, observations of current realizations that have been on my mind.
That is all.

Saturday, June 24, 2017

catch up.

Long ago, and far away...
This little corner of the internet used to be my space to share all that was when it came to being a mom of a toddler and a full time nursing student.

I really enjoyed sharing my life on here.
I love writing, still do.

But Seriously?!
Has it really been like 1 post a year??

I guess so.

Business, or that excuse comes to mind.
So I'm racing, chasing all the time that has passed, trying to remember minute details of our every day lives (inconceivable) and put them in here.
Not all of them have made it - by a long shot, but a few that I've found some pictures to accompany later on down the post...

SO, without further adieu...

Half way done.
I'm a hospice nurse. Still.
I'm the admissions nurse for my growing company.
Hospice is an ever changing and growing world.

It can have a pretty high burn out rate when it comes to job positions.
It's not like any other nursing job.
It's pretty much all or nothing.
Like, you give your all.
or you don't.
And that can ware on your life and soul.

It's hard, and emotional.
It's educational and fulfilling.

It's solitary and flexible.
It can put you on the highest mountain top and bring you to your knees.
Such an oxymoron, this hospice thing.

But it is such a necessity. And such a blessing to so many that it touches.

Honestly, I don't know that I could make my career choice final as a hospice nurse, but in this season of my life, it is such a calling and a ministry that I am choosing to follow.

It is time consuming. Hours spent with families, hours charting, hours being on-call and waiting on that dang blasted phone to ring...
Not getting any sleep in the meantime from sheer anticipation.
Restlessness, wondering if your phone will ring when you step away to do something.
Anything at all.

And this is just from the view point of a hospice nurse.

So let's switch gears a minute to when I'm not a nurse.
Time spent as a wife and mom.

Hailee is about to go to the beach with my mom and dad a few days.

Child free!!
Oh, the possibilities....
But, really - we'll be working and exhausted when we get home.
Dinner will be cooked, dishes may or may not be done immediately, I'll finish charting from the day, and time will be spent decompressing from our days.

He's a plumber.

He works HARD.
His work is dirty.
His days are long.
I don't even like to find his clothes to wash them.
I have given him the ultimatum... 
If your dirty clothes are not in the laundry room, you'll have to go find them (more than likely in the garage where he stripped those dirty things off) and wash them yourself.
I do NOT stick my fingers in those pockets or flip out those inside out socks - full of sweat and GODknowswhat.
UGH. I don't even care to think about where they've been walking.

But I still do it - sometimes...

Every now and then, I pick up my guitar.
More-so I'll sit down at the piano and play because it doesn't matter if you have fingernails to play that. Guitar, fingernails just hinder playing - which is why my nails were always so short.

And now, for more pictures because I don't even know where to begin filling you in on the last year...

Truth ^^^^^^^

And for Christmas, we decided to get Hailee a dollhouse Roger would build from scratch.
One that she would play with until she's 30 (or so I'd like to believe...)
It came in a box with lots of little wooden pieces....

and then the final result....
Such a beauty with all the sweat, blood, tears, sawdust.. that went into this thing...
(minus the shingles which are on now which was just as time consuming...)

We went to Disney in Feb with the Venne family.
Hailee and Roger's first time.
So much fun!
On the first day, we all wore these matching shirts so we could always know who was in our family.

One morning before school started, Hailee woke up early before the WHOLE house and got ready on her own. I don't even know how this happened, I can't even... Literally.
When I went in to wake her up at 5:50 AM, she was up, dressed, had made herself cereal, brushed her teeth and was ready to go. THIS, from the child that I have to tell to stop singing and brush her teeth over and over again for the full 5 minutes it takes her to brush them.
Surprised the CRAP out of me.
Has never happened again.

She even left me a note down stairs.

Fire is a dangerous thing. Falling asleep smoking is another dangerous thing. Wearing O2 while smoking takes it all to a WHOLE nother level.
Just see the picture for further details.
Don't Do It.
You will blow up. And so will everything in your house.
This was from someone I knew a few years ago and recently ran across this picture.
We try to teach people that smoke while on O2 just how much you shouldn't do it.
Do they listen...
Most of the time.
When they don't ....

Hailee's spring school pictures.
I've NEVER had much faith in the whole school picture/photographer thing.
This will tell you why.
I laughed so hard when I saw this.
I took a picture to document the evidence, wonder how a professional "photographer" could ever deem this a "worthy" photograph...
Then I stuck them back in her book bag for the school to have back.
and I took my own on my big girl camera.

It's the little things...
I came home from work the other day and Roger was absolutely BURSTING at the seams to show me something.
He couldn't even wait until dark.
He is not a good secret keeper.
DO NOT tell him your secrets.
Birthday and Christmas presents rarely make it to the actual days...
He just gets so excited.
I've always wanted lights under the cabinets.
and now, I have them :)

And when he gets something in his head, he just has to do it.
[or have it - no matter what I say - I've learned to just not argue because it won't sway him either way]
He sent me like 5 text messages in a row the other day when I was at an admission telling me how much research he had done on these mowers (since we already have 2, count them, 2, mowers that are gas powered and in our garage now that are NOT working...) and just how awesome they are.
I never responded to the text because I did in my head when I saw them and just - NO.

Then today, he went out and got it.
The yard actually looks really good and his muscles are SOOO big from all that hard work ;)
(sorry, i couldn't help myself with that one... my strong man.)
No gas.
No electricity.
Just blades.
We could TOTALLY live off the grid now and have nice grass.

This is pretty much all I can put in here tonight.
Goes to show I shouldn't let so much time pass, huh??
We have stories.
We've laughed a lot.
He still snores. Loudly.
and sometimes in my face.

I still have to remember to write stuff down.
Hailee is saying some pretty smart stuff now a days ...
And big words coming out of her 8 year old mouth are still pretty funny the way they end up in sentences.

It's officially summer in the south.
I planted some Blue Bell seeds today.
We shall see if they live...
Only time will tell!!


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